I recently listened to a
talk by Elder D. Todd Christofferson, an apostle in the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in the
LDS Church. In his talk, Elder Christofferson spoke not only to women, but men as well about the importance of morality and virtue in today's morally declining society. He stressed that women have a unique power over the future of our nation, and indeed the world. Because it is the work we do with our families that determines whether or not our future is bright. We decide our future by the very efforts we put into raising our children to be strong, fair, honest, courteous, and creatures of integrity.
His talk got me thinking: what happened to grace? When did it stop being important to be well-mannered, poised, and ladylike (or gentleman-like)? In the push-and-shove of our culture, it seems we have lost a certain power, a certain level of civility. Is it just me, or have we lost something of ourselves in the race for equality and power? Is it possible that we, as a whole, have become
more animalistic?
I am not perfect in this respect. I am sloppy, crude, and sometimes violent. I have a sharp tongue and I often do not hesitate to use it, even though this often causes pain to others. I am not a lady, not in the traditional sense, at least. I know how to be well-mannered, I simply choose not to. In my memory, my mother has always been, regardless of her circumstances, well-dressed, poised, polite, well-mannered, and graceful. She was not born to privilege, but she has always been a lady. I think somewhere along the line I decided that to be gentle was to be frail; to be feminine and graceful was to be weak. I was so very wrong.
I often hear the question, "What happened to all the gentlemen?" along with the accompanying answer, "The feminists killed them." I cannot dispute this, only shake my head in sorrow that a cause that started out so honest and fair has turned into a movement that degrades the virtues of both sexes.
We, men and women alike, walk around with our fists held high. We are constantly on the defensive, ready to strike out at anyone who dares to treat us as less than equal. I have been guilty of this as well. I have lived by the creed that many women seem to embody these days: I am a woman, but treat me like a man. When did it become so shameful to be who we are? When did our natural abilities and talents become worthless? When did we decide that in order to be equal to our biological counterparts, we had to surpass them in every way, diminishing
their potential and banishing
them to the place we have fought so hard to pull ourselves out of for hundreds of years? It is not possible to assume a position of equality while cheapening the strengths of those we profess to be equal to, nor is it a morally sound practice.
We do not need to assume the roles of men to be equal to them. It
is possible to be gentle and ladylike and still have power, dignity, and strength. In the words of
Margaret D. Nadauld: "The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined."
I do not want to be misunderstood here. I have a great amount of respect for men (especially my husband, who is the most gentle, kind, and compassionate person I know), and I have seen many men do great things. There are still gentlemen out there, regardless of the jokes we may make about their sloppy, poor manners and crude, neanderthal behavior. In my experience, those types of men are the minority. But as we seek equality with those men, there is no need to assume their best and worst traits, nor exhibit the worst of our behavioral tendencies.
Elder Christofferson pointed out in his talk that many who claim to be forward-thinking feminists degrade the role of mother and homemaker. But if we abandon this role for the sake of equality, who will be left to teach children about integrity, virtue, gratitude, gentleness, honesty, and strength? The future generations will be left to teach themselves, to determine for themselves what morals to follow. The role of the mother is both the most powerful and most humble of occupations. A mother is the heart of the home, the powerful but quiet force behind every accomplishment. She provides a unique emotional aspect to the family that most men can only begin to fathom. It should in no way be considered less than the equally important role of father, husband, and provider. Both of these roles ensure the security and success of the family unit, and prevent the degradation of morals in our society. Now, I am not saying that a woman's place is always in the home and the man's is always in the workplace. Every family is shaped differently, and the dynamics can (and should) only be determined by the individuals in that family. But it is imperative that we do not
ever undermine the power and necessity of the family unit.
With my closing thoughts I would like to echo a challenge that has been offered to every generation of women. Be gentle. Be ladylike. Be virtuous. There
is power in our inherent femininity. We hold the key to an insurmountable power that has the potential to change the face of our world for the better. It is all there in both our divine and biological makeup, we just have to put our fists down and use that power.
I doubt very much that anyone will ever read these thoughts from my humble little brain, but if one day someone stumbles across this and has the patience to read the whole thing, I hope it does good. It certainly is a lesson I needed to learn today!
